Dramatic Sigh

If I were in the mood to be seduced, I would totally let him do it. It’s like I have this fetish. And he’s letting that fetish run free. That almost never happens. It’s my dirty little secret. Well, less of a dirty secret, and more of a completely safe-for-work secret, but it sounds less exciting [...]

Before I start, let me warn you that this is pretty fuckin offensive. Don’t read it if you’re gonna be a little bitch about it.
This morning I was talking to my friend Kevin, and as usual, the conversation turned to the disgusting. I’m relatively sure we have a running contest neither of us knows about [...]

What’s this? Have I suddenly gotten classy? Fat chance. But for the first time probably ever, I’m not going to give you all the dirty details.
I know. It feels weird to me too.
My boyfriend? Is awesome. I know, I’m not normally one to be like, “my boyfriend this, my boyfriend that, and did you hear [...]

Ohh the loss is so painful.
For those of you who don’t know, Dr. Piven is the name of my vibrator. I can’t remember who participated in the naming, but I figure that Jeremy Piven + a doctor = the hotness. I’m good at math. Dr. Piven is a purple hummer.
 For those of you who don’t [...]

I know a lot of shit y’all. I’m pretty much an expert at everything, but especially relationships. Because I’ve been in a lot of them. Clearly I know how to make them work. Not forever or anything, but I can totally get you through the holidays, unless you do something real dumb like cook your [...]

 
Charlie’s going America all over your ass*, and I’m going embarassing all over your ass today. It’s kind of my thing. So watch your ass. How many times do you think I can say ass in one paragraph? Gotta get ‘em in since this blog isn’t ACTUALLY about my ass. Oh, and you know what? [...]

After I posted last week about my, erm, disdain for this book, I was really hoping that was the last I would hear about it. Unfortunately, I am retarded. This conversation took place on Friday between two of my friends (the ones who are SoOoO into it OMG!)
A: …so I was talking to (some guy) [...]

Like my homeboy Thomas Edison said:

Hell, there are no rules here – we’re trying to accomplish something.

What are these rules I speak of?

Yeaaaah…and that whole “people are fucking dumb” thing? Those would be people who read this and take it seriously. People like my best friend, who read it and has now decided it’s the [...]

I wasn’t planning to blog today, because I reallyreallyreally need to get my resumé together so I can attempt to move in the next couple of months (OH HAI DC! Let’s be friends!) 
But sometimes, something comes along that’s just too perfect not to write about. Fortunately I have a friend who is single and actually [...]

After skipping the last couple of TMI Thursdays, I thought I’d get my ass back on schedule, although, for once, this doesn’t have anything to do with my ass. (It’s a miracle!) Before the main attraction, I have a teeny confession to make, one that I’m very sure about half of my female readers and [...]