Dramatic Sigh

I only have 25 more minutes of work to waste, so this is gonna be a quickie. Heh, quickie. First item on the agenda is that I would allow this macaroni and cheese that I’m eating to impregnate me with delicious, cheesy children. Just needed to put that out there.
Second item on the agenda: I’ve [...]

Yeah, you read that right. Hot and homeless in the same sentence. See, there’s this really attractive homeless (I think) guy who hangs around my office all the time. And he’s not hot for a hobo, he’s hot for a normal person, which is weird and confusing because every time I see him, I can’t [...]

Ok, I know I promised to continue/finish the Gloria and Janey saga, but I’ve been busy with actual work and stuff, and it’s Rockies opening day and I have beer to drink and baseball to watch. Also, my non-boyfriend-whatever-he-is posted what was originally an email to his dad on his facebook page, and I thought [...]

If I were in the mood to be seduced, I would totally let him do it. It’s like I have this fetish. And he’s letting that fetish run free. That almost never happens. It’s my dirty little secret. Well, less of a dirty secret, and more of a completely safe-for-work secret, but it sounds less exciting [...]

…he would taste like these:

What those are, for all of you NOT from Colorado, are corn fritters from White Fence Farm. And if you ARE from Colorado, and have never been there? You should probably get on that like…tonight. I don’t even really eat meat, but their fried chicken is good enough for me to [...]

So we all know how much I don’t like kids, right? Bleh, kids. But then they go and get cancer and I can’t hate them anymore because they’re just little and full of cancer and that totally blows because it’s not their fault and then they’re bald and it’s sad. I mean, it’s sad when [...]

That title just sounds fancier than “Some shit’s been happening so I thought I’d write about it or something.” I’m FANCY. In my pantsy. Wow, that sounds sissy as hell. I ain’t a sissy. I will punch your mother if you say otherwise. (Please someone confiscate my coffee.) I’ve regressed to just making sounds. Instead of [...]

Logging in today felt really weird. It’s only been a couple of weeks since I last blogged but I almost felt like when I log in to myspace to get pictures of my ex for a facebook profile dedicated to douchebags, which has totally never happened at all. You know, sort of strange like maybe [...]

I’m awesome. Sometimes. Like that time I popped my hip out of joint shaking my ass in my living room. Yeah, I know, someday you too can be this cool. I digress. Often. The point is that, because I’m SO awesome, I’m doing a “What Am I Thankful For” post too, because all the cool [...]

I know a lot of shit y’all. I’m pretty much an expert at everything, but especially relationships. Because I’ve been in a lot of them. Clearly I know how to make them work. Not forever or anything, but I can totally get you through the holidays, unless you do something real dumb like cook your [...]