Dramatic Sigh

Before I start, let me warn you that this is pretty fuckin offensive. Don’t read it if you’re gonna be a little bitch about it.
This morning I was talking to my friend Kevin, and as usual, the conversation turned to the disgusting. I’m relatively sure we have a running contest neither of us knows about [...]

That would be a crappy paint drawing of my boss literally lol-ing at the fact that I ate a piece of cold pizza for lunch. OH MY GOD IT’S SO FUNNY!!!1!11
No. It’s not. It’s not anything at all. And then I said, “Can I help you?” and he was like, “You’re so crazy! Ha I [...]

What’s this? Have I suddenly gotten classy? Fat chance. But for the first time probably ever, I’m not going to give you all the dirty details.
I know. It feels weird to me too.
My boyfriend? Is awesome. I know, I’m not normally one to be like, “my boyfriend this, my boyfriend that, and did you hear [...]

…he would taste like these:

What those are, for all of you NOT from Colorado, are corn fritters from White Fence Farm. And if you ARE from Colorado, and have never been there? You should probably get on that like…tonight. I don’t even really eat meat, but their fried chicken is good enough for me to [...]

Ohh the loss is so painful.
For those of you who don’t know, Dr. Piven is the name of my vibrator. I can’t remember who participated in the naming, but I figure that Jeremy Piven + a doctor = the hotness. I’m good at math. Dr. Piven is a purple hummer.
 For those of you who don’t [...]

So we all know how much I don’t like kids, right? Bleh, kids. But then they go and get cancer and I can’t hate them anymore because they’re just little and full of cancer and that totally blows because it’s not their fault and then they’re bald and it’s sad. I mean, it’s sad when [...]