You’re Pretty Much Going to Hell if You Don’t Read This
So we all know how much I don’t like kids, right? Bleh, kids. But then they go and get cancer and I can’t hate them anymore because they’re just little and full of cancer and that totally blows because it’s not their fault and then they’re bald and it’s sad. I mean, it’s sad when anyone gets cancer, but I think it’s hardest to understand in someone who only reaches your hip (or in my case, my neck). How does someone’s body fail them so badly when it’s still so new? Sad stuff.
So anyway. The new guy, being totally awesome, shaves his head every year to raise money for St. Baldrick’s. I’ll be honest, I’ve heard of it before, but never actually knew what it was. Basically, the organization funds research for childhood cancer, and new guy is totally into it. This is his 5th year doing it, even though a shaved head isn’t a great look for him. That’s how not superficial and cool he is.
I will not be shaving my head because I AM superficial and I want to be pretty. So instead, I told him I’ll pony up a few bucks for his team.*
I know everyone just donated buckets of money for Love Harder and Bust a Move and Haiti so this is bad timing but I figured why not put it out there anyway, right? If this gets his team five more dollars, I’m ok with that. I’ll still have earned a foot massage or something. And hey, if you skip one GHCS2PLSHLWNF, that’s like, $4 right there. Or maybe have one less drink (I KNOW! Blasphemy and I’m sorry I even said it!) or maybe just don’t order drinks for 3 of your friends all night not that I know anything about that at all why are you looking at me? I don’t know, I don’t make the rules about liquor and how much you can and can’t drink. God makes the rules. It’s God’s water.
I suspect I’m getting off track here. Basically, if you feel like you don’t like cancer or maybe just hate having money or want me to get a foot massage or something, here’s the link that helps with all of those problems. Maybe if 5 people donate or something, I’ll post sexy pictures of me on here.**
*I told him it’s on the condition that he does a stripper dance while I throw singles at him. That’s how I donate money for cancer, damnit. He said no g-string though. Selfish.
**My standards are low. But it’s ok because I’m terribly unphotogenic so sexy pictures of me do not and can not exist so it’s a trick anyway. Or is it?
Posted: February 1st, 2010 under Love.
Tags: Cancer is totally uncool you guys, dolla dolla bills y'all, Give me all your moneys!
Comments
Comment from gingermandy
Time February 1, 2010 at 12:49 pm
alright cool i’ll get on it. except the link doesn’t work soooo fix that. and then i’ll get on it.
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Comment from Bama Riley
Time February 1, 2010 at 2:47 pm
St Judes commercials make me cry. In an effort to keep me from crying, Gunny often donates a portion of his pay each year to the little bald babies there.
I have no problem donating to this cause… I just hope that I can get it to you before his hair starts to grow back.
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Comment from Ellie
Time February 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm
Wow. You sound like I think during coffee.
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Comment from lbluca77
Time February 1, 2010 at 3:19 pm
Ok I donated.
When I first tried to submit this I got told my comment was too short. Um there are certain amount of words wordpress requires? Is this comment long enough for you now, wordpress?
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Comment from admin
Time February 2, 2010 at 9:01 am
@Kendall – I’m thoroughly lapsed. Hell doesn’t scare me!
@Mandy – Shut your face.
@Bama – Awww little bald babies are so sad. I hate those commercials.
@Ellie – Hyper? Scattered? Sexy? I don’t know about that last one, just thought I’d throw it in there.
@lbluca77 – YOUR COMMENT IS LONG ENOUGH! Also, thank you. 
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Comment from KeepingYouAwake
Time February 2, 2010 at 9:01 am
So wait… You can shave your head to help cancer kids? I don’t really want to shave my head, but does it help at all if I shave my
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Comment from Cassie
Time February 2, 2010 at 12:48 pm
“It’s God’s water.”<—-that's some funny shit right there….lol
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Comment from LivingWicked
Time February 3, 2010 at 1:03 am
You don’t hate my brats. I is speshil.
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Comment from WY
Time February 4, 2010 at 5:16 pm
Thanks, to those who’ve donated… I appreciate it.
Shaving your head doesn’t cure cancer, but it’s a moral booster for the kids going through treatment, to make them feel like they’re not different for not having hair… They appreciate it.
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Comment from Evening Sketches
Time February 19, 2010 at 1:41 pm
my pseudo brother-in-law shaves his head every year for St. Bladricks. His 4 yr old daughter died of cancer two years ago and he says it’s his way to remember her. He grows his hair all year for the special event. It was so much fun to cheer him on last year and this year I am actually giving some of my hard-earned cash to the cause. Go Bald!
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Comment from Bama Riley
Time February 20, 2010 at 5:58 pm
I think you should repost this or write another one. I donated. My family lost my cousin Justin 10 years ago to cancer, this month. Seeing all those bald kiddos, vulnerable, and yet so damn strong to go through radiation and chemo reminds me that it’s not going to kill me to give up a little bit of cash. I would have done it for Justin in a heartbeat.
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Comment from Kendall
Time February 1, 2010 at 12:13 pm
Tell a Catholic, even a lapsed one, that they’re going to Hell and it’s pretty much instant donation.
Stripping without a g-string is like a burger with no cheese. And in my head, that previous sentence made sennse.
C’est la vie.
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