TMI Thursday: RIP Dr. Piven
Ohh the loss is so painful.
For those of you who don’t know, Dr. Piven is the name of my vibrator. I can’t remember who participated in the naming, but I figure that Jeremy Piven + a doctor = the hotness. I’m good at math. Dr. Piven is a purple hummer.
Not like this.
Getting closer...
For those of you who don’t know much about vibrators, a hummer is like a better (way more expensive) version of the rabbit. That makes it approximately one billion times better than a regular old vibrator. It has a hummingbird instead of a rabbit, and it has the beads that rotate in the shaft, and the top half of the shaft turns. You have no idea how many times I giggled every time I typed shaft. Yep, did it again. Heeee! Basically, the only reason to have a man around is because…um…weeeell…OH! The hummer can’t make me a snack afterwards. There we go. Whew, I knew there was a reason.
Anyway, Dr. Piven very tragically passed away sometime in the last…month or two. To be honest, I don’t really know because I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS. And I DON’T HAVE A LOCK ON MY DOOR. AND I DON’T REALLY EVEN HAVE A BEDROOM. AND MY SISTER’S BED IS RIGHT NEXT TO MINE.
It’s great. Seriously.
Since I don’t have privacy, I have been seriously lacking in personal time. That means Dr. Piven has been laying in my dresser drawer all alone. I suspect it died of loneliness. Or one of the batteries leaked. Whatever. So now I’m left with just the remains and the backup travel vibrator that totally sucks, comparatively speaking, because all it does is vibrate so it will NEVER be the man Dr. Piven was and that’s just really creepy, isn’t it?
I just wish I could say that my bionic vagina killed it.
Posted: February 4th, 2010 under Sex, TMI Thursday.
Tags: it's not my bangs that make me emo, Vagina!
Comments
Comment from Travis
Time February 4, 2010 at 10:25 am
Ummm…
Do you have a picture of this thing?
It sounds amazing.
Oh. My wife wanted me to say that.
[Reply]
Comment from Pecosa
Time February 4, 2010 at 10:25 am
You have my condolences.
I lost mine to an unfortunate stairwell/moving accident. In front of my mother. It was traumatizing.
I have yet to replace it :-\ I can’t ever decide what to get.
[Reply]
Comment from KeepingYouAwake
Time February 4, 2010 at 10:30 am
@Jay – ROTFL!!!
You described Dr. Piven with such depth that I can’t get him out of my head. You’ve basically fucked me in the head. Thanks.
[Reply]
Comment from admin
Time February 4, 2010 at 10:43 am
@Jay – I hate you. Ewwww.
@Travis – No, not that I can find while at work. It’s on slumberparties.com.
@Pecosa – Ohh I can imagine. If you need a good replacement, I would recommend the hummer. I’m planning on getting another one. Stupid cheap batteries.
@KYA – Ha! That’s what you GET.
[Reply]
Comment from Elly Lou
Time February 4, 2010 at 10:44 am
First, Jay totally wins.
Second, ….
Oh fuck it, Jay still totally wins. The loser here? Clearly your vag. My condolences.
[Reply]
Comment from Cassie
Time February 4, 2010 at 11:17 am
hahahaha
I think we need to start the ‘Get **** OUT of the house’ fund…….sheesh
[Reply]
Comment from gingermandy
Time February 4, 2010 at 11:40 am
i giggled everytime i read the word “shaft.”
this should be a hint to the new guy.
[Reply]
Comment from admin
Time February 4, 2010 at 12:34 pm
@Elly Lou – My vag is totally losing this game. Stupid backup vibrator is stupid.
@Cassie – Oy, I wish. But that’s not happening for like…a year.
@Mandy – A hint about what? That I’m 5?
[Reply]
Comment from shine
Time February 4, 2010 at 1:33 pm
Oh no…This IS a sad day.
Sadly, I’m the one who killed mine. Broke his neck. My vagina is evil. Or really really good.
[Reply]
Comment from DomesticBliss
Time February 5, 2010 at 2:22 am
I am very sorry for your loss; though i’m sure Dr Piven is now in a happy place, skipping about amongst beautiful fields filled with pink flowers, anal beads, cock rings and bunnies (yes, those kind of bunnies). RIP Piven.
[Reply]
Comment from Wandering Through Wonderland
Time February 6, 2010 at 9:46 am
You have my condolences. A former roommate of mine lost her ‘Dr. Piven’ and she couldn’t find a new one to save her life. It was a tense couple of months.
[Reply]
Comment from clairemontgomerymd
Time February 6, 2010 at 10:11 am
what a sad post. i am so sorry for your loss. his twin brother lives with me and we’ll have a private ceremony in his honor later tonight.
[Reply]
Pingback from TMI Thursday: The Plum Gets Peeled | Livit, Luvit
Time February 6, 2010 at 12:25 pm
[...] Just A Girl’s TMI Thursday: RIP Dr. Piven [...]
Comment from LiLu
Time February 6, 2010 at 12:26 pm
Now I feel horrible you didn’t win my vibrator contest. Maybe I should have another one…
[Reply]
Comment from Maxie
Time February 7, 2010 at 4:15 am
FACT.
your hand is free.
you can thank me later.
[Reply]
Comment from Jay
Time February 4, 2010 at 10:12 am
Regardless of the truth, it shall be known throughout the land that Dr. Piven died doing what he loved the most… your sister.
[Reply]