Dramatic Sigh

(First of all, a warning: I talk like a trucker, and may not be safe for work.  I might offend you, but I’m pretty sure I don’t care all that much.  Write me an email or leave me a comment about what an awful person I am – I’ve only been threatened with one knife-raping in my life, after all.)

I hate that title.  It reminds me of the sex toy store.  They have “My First Buttplug,” which I found extremely creepy.  Too much like “My First Drum,” (I would only buy this for parents I hate) or, “My First Gender-Associated Toy That Will Teach Me Stereotypes For The Rest Of My Life.”  I’m not sure what that says about me.  Maybe that I should stay away from the buttplug section.  And the toy store.

But since this is my first post, I thought it would be a good time to introduce myself.  You know, rather than wait two months and then post someone that no one, including me, cares about anymore.  To quote from my wordpress profile:

“I am 24 and single.  I don’t have kids, nor do I particularly like them, with a few exceptions.  Mostly, I hate that people have become afraid to discipline their children to the point where they feel free to throw fits in public and behave like general pains in my ass.  I am addicted to video games, mostly any version of Mario Bros, but I’ll play anything.  I don’t think I can cook until I actually do it and I realize that I’m pretty good.  I have a younger sister and my parents are still married.  I didn’t have a hard childhood and I was never mistreated (although if you’d asked me when I was 14, I might have said differently).  Too bad, because it would have made for some great writing material.  I hate beer out of cans.  I am clumsy and frequently announce “WALL!” or “DOOR!” to the room, just in case anyone else failed to notice them.  If I ever get married, people will probably think my husband beats me.  I love books, but the greatest loves of my life are dogs.”

I couldn’t have said it better myself.  Oh…

There are a few things that I want to write about that I just can’t say if people know who I am.  Being a sugar baby (god, it makes me gag just typing that term), my morals, sex/drugs/rock&roll, and general obnoxiousness are not things I feel like my family needs or wants to hear about.  So basically, I need to empty my head without the backlash that sometimes comes with that.  To paraphrase a very drunk version of me, don’t hate on my flava.

Kisses.